


Destructive Tendencies

by tactileAcatalepsy (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Medication, Mentions of Violence, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 12:56:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3651153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/tactileAcatalepsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post SBurb, Alpha and Beta sessions joined after they beat the game etc etc, the trolls live with Jade and Jake on their island so that humans don’t flip out because aliens, Dave moved out and is making SB&HJ movies in California, Rose and Roxy still live together and Rose is blossoming as a psychiatrist and writer while Roxy is working on attending all of her AA meetings, Dirk has continued his pursuits in robotics rather than picking up smuppets, and John has moved out of his Dad’s house where Jane decided to stay and open a bakery nearby, John is living on his own in Arizona working at a video store and coping with PTSD.</p><p>If you have triggers just be careful I don't know what else to even tag this with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Destructive Tendencies

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so first off I'd like to establish how much of the canonical Homestuck plot will actually be relevant to this story. When I had the idea for this fic it was before a lot of shit had gone down. For simplicity's sake I will say that the kids beat the game right after the Alpha session began. What I imagined happening was that characters from the Alpha and Beta sessions who were technically the same person fused together if that makes any sense? So Dirk and Bro are the same person and Dirk is now around the same age as the Beta kids (a little older cause my story my rules and I said so >:I) and still likes robotics but decided to not continue smuppets blah blah blah. Same with Roxy, she fused with Mom and is still an alcoholic who loves cats. All of the Alpha kids have memories from SBURB but they're pretty vague because they weren't there very long. Dad's still there, Jane and Nana fused, Jake and Jade are still there, and the trolls live with Jade and Jake on the Island. We won't talk about them much. I love them to death but it'd be too detracting from my plot and make everything messy and long and hard to follow.
> 
> Dad and Jane open a family bakery in Washington (also won't talk about them much); Rose is in New York juggling her novels, being a therapist, and taking care of Roxy; Dirk is holding down the fort in Texas doing robutt stuff while Dave makes it big in Cali as a director; and John moved out of his Dad's place to try and start over in Arizona so that he's far away from any reminders of SBURB. In my mind Rose would have been the first to deal with her traumas from SBURB and get past them and be ok, next would be Dave who reconciled with Dirk about everything that happened with Bro because technically they aren't the same person but they're still brothers and they're chill now, Jade would be fine in my opinion once she settled down with all the trolls and Bec and Jake on the island cause they'd all be there for eachother. John I think would be different though. I feel like he'd be the one to take more responsibility on and not be able to forgive himself, as well as one of the ones to experience a lot more violent trauma (aka getting stabbed a lot jesus fuck Huss why do you hate John) from Jack and such since he 'died' so many times. John 'died' a lot let's face it.  
> So this story is going to be about John and his PTSD type stuff and Dirk helping him through it and eventually Dirk touching John's butt. 
> 
> That's what we're all here for after all. 
> 
> Feels and butt touches.
> 
> I know what the people want.
> 
> Of course there's a lot of stuff that isn't covered here; if you have questions feel free to ask and I can clear up any would be plot holes. 
> 
> On another note, I decided I like a lot of the first chapter how it was. So I'm recycling some of it. Cause I can. So if you already read Chapter One of the old version it will be very similar however I am changing some awkward dialogues and adding things so I still suggest you read it. I however cannot control the rebellious youth so do as you please.

 

 

> _John sat in his small living room on the phone listening closely to Rose._
> 
> _“John you can’t just keep quiet about this, you have to tell people when you get these panic attacks. It’s important to stay away from any controllable stress as much as possible.”_
> 
> _“I know Rose it’s just that they keep happening no matter what I do; I moved out, hell I went to a different STATE. I thought that if I moved away from places that reminded me of the game they’d at least happen less.”_
> 
> _“Call me when you have one. I’m serious John I need to know when it happens, for how long, how many times, etcetera. If I don’t answer then call Dave or Jade at least make sure you’re talking to someone. Have you been keeping up on your meds? I might need to change them if this is still happening so often.”_
> 
> _“Yes.” John sighed and ran his hand through his hair while glancing at the pill bottles on the counter. He was lying. He had stopped taking them weeks ago. They made him feel weird and he didn't like it. He was still jumpy and paranoid when he was taking them anyways so what was the point?_
> 
> _“Good. You worry me John; I’m coming down to see you when My next book is finished alright? I have to go pick Roxy up now. Take care of yourself.”_
> 
> _“Alright, see ya Rose.” He said hanging up and leaning back on the couch._

  ****

== > Be John Egbert a few days after that conversation.

You are an absolute moron. Stupid stupid stupid. Why can’t you just listen to Rose? Look where you are now. Being sent home by your boss because you were being jumpy and awkward with customers. You sigh as you pull into the parking area of your apartment complex.  
You have days like this pretty often, but there’s always worse. Sometimes you can’t even leave your apartment. You decide to just try to get some rest and flop onto the couch after walking up the immense amount of stairs in your complex. Before following through with your plans you glance at the pill bottles on your counter; some of them prescribed by Rose, some by your other therapist, others simple over the counter painkillers and such. You hastily ignore them as you drop your keys near them and proceed to crash on the couch. You'll be fine.

* * *

 You jolt forward, waking up in a cold sweat and clutching your chest where Jack had stabbed you. That moment recurred over and over. Your breathing grew rapid and shallow despite your attempts to calm down and your chest grew tight. You scrambled for your phone in your back pocket hitting Rose’s speed dial haphazardly; tucking your knees into your chest and gripping the phone tightly.

“You've reached the mobile of Rose Lalonde, I cannot take your call presently. Please leave your name and telephone number and I will return your call as promptly as possible.”

You hang up quickly and call Dave. The dial tone rings for what feels like an eternity before he answers.

“Sup.” He says nonchalantly.

“Dave I need help- Its- I’m- again-“ You stop and try to breathe normally but everything is coming out too short and too fast.

“Whoa there bro, chill out. You’re okay. Listen to me; breathe in, then out, nice and slow. You are the fucking entity of calm. Just relax.” He coos as soothingly as Strider-ly possible.

“Stabbed, chest, again, I can’t-“

“Shh shh sh. No speaking. You’re okay man." He hushes you until you start actively taking breaths. "No arch agents are trying to kill you. That’s all over. You’re chill in Arkansas now.”

“Arizona, Dave.” You sigh starting to catch your breath, your chest still feeling tight. You jump as your fan rustles papers on your coffee table.

“Same fuckin' state, you’re still cool. Everything’s cool. You are so cool the most ironically cool thing on the planet isn’t as cool as you. Aside from me of course.” He reassures. You continue trying to breathe steadily while he talks you through your little breakdown. After a few minutes when he’s decided you’ve calmed down enough he sighs.

“Fuck man Rose said you were losin’ it but damn. I didn't think your panic attacks were getting this bad John. You’re lucky you caught me between set changes.”

“I-I’m not losing it! I just- I just had a bad day with this… it isn't like it really happens THAT often.” You say defensively.

“Sure. Whatever you say bro. I gotta go, you better call Lalonde and tell her what went down. I’m calling her after this next scene to check.”

“Yes mother.”

“Damn straight.”

Dave hung up after that and you stood up and walked to the kitchen. You stood in front of the sink for a minute before splashing your face with cool water. Your phone buzzed across the counter. It was Rose. After taking a deep breath you answer.

“John are you alright?” She asked immediately.

“I’m okay Rose. I just had a, uh, little incident.”

“Did you get a hold of someone? What happened?”

“Yeah Dave answered his cell; it was, uh, Jack… again…” You respond slowly. "I'm okay now."

“Oh. Well if you are really fine I’m going to have a word with Dave.”

“He’s shooting a scene. He said he was gonna call you after to make sure I talked to you.”

“Good. Are you sure you’re alright John? You don’t sound very good.”

“Tired. I just woke up. I- I had a nightmare and woke up and panicked. I’m tired.” You exhale exaggeratedly.

“If you’re absolutely sure John then I’ll be going now. I have other things to attend to as well.”

“’Kay, bye Rose."

 

==> Be Dave Strider; director extraordinaire and best bro ever.

You are now frustrated as hell because your actors are complete imbeciles who cannot hope to perceive your art form and portray it on the big screen. When will Ben Stiller grasp his intricate character?

You decide to give up for the moment and call for a break.

“CUT. JUST CUT. GOD DAMN IT CUT.” You yell. “Go reread the script. Again. Get back here in 15 minutes and you had better have grasped the perfect blend of ironic comedy I have set before you.”

You ignore the eye-rolls of the unappreciative staff you've been given and head back to your trailer to call Lalonde. She had better answer too because the Egbert dilemma was getting damn serious. You put your iPhone on speaker as you lounge across your laz-e-boy sideways. The perfect way to sit in any laz-e-boy if you say so yourself. So comfortable.

“Strider.” She answers.

“Lalonde. Sounds like you’re on the road; Rox on the rocks again?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

“Not really. So, Egderp talk to you yet?”

“Yes. He has informed me that you helped him through his panic attack this relative afternoon.”

“Relative?”

“For you two it was in the afternoon. For me it was very late in the afternoon. Time zones Dave; I’m positive you of all people are familiar with them.”

“Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever. Down to business; he’s not doing so great Lalonde."

“I’m aware. I’m thinking of changing his medication-“

You snicker then start laughing. “You honestly think John is actually on his meds? You must be dumber than I thought.”

“Well Dave if you must know I’m going to be going out to see John in person. Soon.”

“You don’t sound so sure about that.”

She sighs loudly and you hear the breaks of her car as if she was pulling to the side of the road.

“Fucking hell, Dave what am I going to do about Roxy? I can’t leave because no one will watch her. She was kicked out of rehab. Four times. Four. She got her whole group in the therapy sessions to sneak out to a bar and then banged the pharmaceuticals guy of the facility.”

“Damn.”

“But John needs someone there to help him get his shit straight at least for a few weeks. I hate to ask Dave but do you think you could?”

“’Fraid not toots. I am in the middle of shooting SB&HJ. Can’t just drop it and leave even though Egderp’s my bro.”

“Damn. It. To. Hell.” She sighed and there was a little thud.

“Wait. I’m a genius Lalonde. Tell me I’m a genius. I've just solved all of our problems.”

“Oh sweet merciful knight in shining armor, hero of us all, your bountiful knowledge is our savior, only you and your brilliant mind will save us. Does that work for you?”

“It’ll do Rose, it’ll do.” You laugh inwardly at her witty sarcasm as you lay down the best plan in history. “I can call up my bro and he can drop in on John.”

“Are you sure he'd be capable of dealing with John? Let alone up to putting up with him? You know how stubborn he gets. Dirk isn't the most... socially compassionate person I can think of.”

“Ouch; your words cut deeper than the shittiest katana Lalonde. But yes I think he can handle it. He put up with me and helped me out until I got back on my feet. I'm pretty sure him and John got along from when they talked too.”

She’s silent for a while. You tap a steady beat on your thigh waiting for her response.

“Fine. I suppose it’s definitely better than nothing. Message me if he says he’s available and I’ll give him details as to what needs to be done. For now I have our friendly neighborhood drunk to track down.”

“Cool. I’ll hit you up later then. Good luck.”

“I’ll need it.” She says as she hangs up.

You contemplate calling your brother before deciding against it. Calling would most likely result in unnecessary banter for an hour and your movie would be even more off schedule than it already was. You open your Pesterchum app instead.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] –-

TG: bro

TG: heard you were sitting alone at home with your robots

TG: fuckin same unironic shit going down all day

TG: gotta get some rad new events happening you know

TG: change it up

TT: Do you have a point little man.

TG: just sayin

TG: maybe you could like

TG: go someplace for a couple weeks

TG: do some cool things

TG: chill with peeps

TT: Dave spill.

TG: alright you know john right

TT: Yes. Egbert. Buckteeth goofy kid.

TG: exactly the one

TG: well hes going a little nutso

TG: and rose and me cant go check up on him

TG: we’re busy with other shit

TT: So you need me to check up on your friend John.

TG: yes

TG: hes having panic attacks and shit

TG: because of sburb

TT: I see. You’re asking me to drop my projects and go babysit.

TG: you don’t have to

TG: you can always stay home in surrounded by your hunks of metal

TT: I get it. It’d mean a lot to my dearest little bro if I’d go take care of his precious buddy.

TG: yes and no

TG: precious is not a term to be used unless in the most ironic circumstances

TG: lalonde will also appreciate you doing us this one act of kindness

TG: upon your agreeing to said kindness she will enlighten you on the details of your mission

TT: I suppose I can take time out of my busy schedule to assist you. In the best interests of all parties involved.

TG: sweet

TG: rosell talk to you soon then

TG: seriously thanks though bro youre doin us a huge favor

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] –-  
  


After closing out Pesterchum you text Rose and let her know Dirk was down and sent his number so she could call him in the morning. 

 

==> Be a slightly disruntled John the next day.

You hang up the phone with Rose and toss it at the coffee table with an irritated sigh. You understood she and Dave were worried about you, which was the only reason you'd agreed, but you still didn't think that it was necessary to have Dirk come check on you. He's a cool guy and you don't have anything against him personally; it's just that it feels like a babysitter. And that feels a little degrading. Besides it's not like you even need to get checked on. You might have panic attacks still sometimes but it's not that bad. Glancing at the counter top you make a mental note to put away all your medication bottles that you haven't been using.

You don't have a problem... it's just a part of your life that isn't convenient. You'll be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah you keep tellin' yourself that Johnny boy see where it gets you.  
> Fun fact it gets you absolutely no where.  
> Anyways I'm gonna try to update every week or so, TECHNICALLY it's not Thursday yet for me so I definitely kept to my word and updated Wednesday (it's 11:45PM and I'm a piece of shit who plays too many video games pls don't leave me). I apologize for any typos in advance, I'm 99.9% sure I got all of them though.
> 
> Side note; this wasn't an April Fools joke I didn't even realize that Weds was the first I just suck.


End file.
